COMMUNICATION
What a big topic for the week right?! As an unmarried (working on getting married) individual the biggest struggles I hear about and see in marriage relationships is with communication. We see it in the media, we see it in our families, and we may see it in ourselves with others even. With some communication may come easy, with others not as much. Some topics may be easy to talk about and others may be more difficult. This week in my class we had a thorough conversation about communication, what works and what doesn't! One quote that I wanted to share with you from the material was this quote :
"Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother. Love your family. Be loyal to them. Have a genuine concern for your brothers and sisters. Help carry their load so you can say, like the lyrics of the song, 'He ain't heavy; he's my brother'."
I loved this quote and I was glad that it was included in the class material for this week because it made me think about how often those we treat the least respectfully are the people that we are the closest with. I think back to my life and how terribly I would treat my brother and sister when we were growing up, not because I hated them, but because I knew them the best and I knew that they would love me no matter how I acted towards them.
Something interesting that I learned this week and realized was that while we generally think about communication as talking to one another, but there are in fact more ways than that in which to communicate (which in some cases are more important). The ways that we discussed were:
1. Verbal
2. Nonverbal
3. Written
4. Visual
Studies that have been done to measure the most common and important ways that people communicate found that information that was conveyed 35% through tone, 51% through non-verbal communication, and shockingly only 14% through the use of words. This was so surprising to me because I put so much emphasis when I am trying to communicate (especially when it is something important) oh what I say, that I sometimes forget to think about How I say things which according to this research is not only equally as important but in some cases may be MORE important than the words that are being said.
In a marriage situation, understanding this is almost more important than in other interactions that you may have! Disagreeing in marriage is inevitable, but learning skills to help make those interactions more purposeful and positive can make a huge difference! To help with this, we have been given 5 ways, also known as "5 Secrets" to make communication the most productive. The secrets are:
1.Using the Disarming technique:
This is done by not being defensive but looking for the "kernel of truth" in whatever argument is being presented. If your spouse/significant other is upset because "you're a slob and leave your dirty dishes everywhere". Don't focus on the emotionally charged statement that you are a slob, but realize that the truth is that you leave your dishes everywhere except the dishwasher.!
2.Express empathy- Show that you hear and understand their feelings and that those feelings are valid and understandable
3.Inquiry- by asking questions it will make the other person feel valued and understood in addition to helping you to understand better what they are saying and what they really mean.
4.Use "I feel Statements"- using statements that begin with "I feel" instead of "you always" will help the person you are talking to realize that this isn't about what they did but how what they did/are doing is affecting you. Since they care about you and your feelings, this will help them be less guarded to help find a better solution.
5. "stroking"- making sure to use words of admiration and love to show that you care about them and that this is about a problem to be solved and that you still care about them despite the issue.
Let me know how these things work out for you(:
"Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother. Love your family. Be loyal to them. Have a genuine concern for your brothers and sisters. Help carry their load so you can say, like the lyrics of the song, 'He ain't heavy; he's my brother'."
-President Ezra Taft Benson
Something interesting that I learned this week and realized was that while we generally think about communication as talking to one another, but there are in fact more ways than that in which to communicate (which in some cases are more important). The ways that we discussed were:
1. Verbal
2. Nonverbal
3. Written
4. Visual
Studies that have been done to measure the most common and important ways that people communicate found that information that was conveyed 35% through tone, 51% through non-verbal communication, and shockingly only 14% through the use of words. This was so surprising to me because I put so much emphasis when I am trying to communicate (especially when it is something important) oh what I say, that I sometimes forget to think about How I say things which according to this research is not only equally as important but in some cases may be MORE important than the words that are being said.
In a marriage situation, understanding this is almost more important than in other interactions that you may have! Disagreeing in marriage is inevitable, but learning skills to help make those interactions more purposeful and positive can make a huge difference! To help with this, we have been given 5 ways, also known as "5 Secrets" to make communication the most productive. The secrets are:
1.Using the Disarming technique:
This is done by not being defensive but looking for the "kernel of truth" in whatever argument is being presented. If your spouse/significant other is upset because "you're a slob and leave your dirty dishes everywhere". Don't focus on the emotionally charged statement that you are a slob, but realize that the truth is that you leave your dishes everywhere except the dishwasher.!
2.Express empathy- Show that you hear and understand their feelings and that those feelings are valid and understandable
3.Inquiry- by asking questions it will make the other person feel valued and understood in addition to helping you to understand better what they are saying and what they really mean.
4.Use "I feel Statements"- using statements that begin with "I feel" instead of "you always" will help the person you are talking to realize that this isn't about what they did but how what they did/are doing is affecting you. Since they care about you and your feelings, this will help them be less guarded to help find a better solution.
5. "stroking"- making sure to use words of admiration and love to show that you care about them and that this is about a problem to be solved and that you still care about them despite the issue.
Let me know how these things work out for you(:
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