Transition to Marriage

 In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness."     

 - President Russell M. Nelson

This is the quote that I began my studies with this week and I really feel like it is inspired and applicable to these things that I learned about and studied this week. I just want to start out by saying that I truly feel that marriage is important and essential for people to grow the most and learn the best. Not only are you able to have an emotional companion, but marriage allows you to understand yourself and other people in a way that wasn’t/isn’t otherwise possible. I love this quote that I mentioned above because I feel like it outlines where many of the trials and hardships that occur in the transition into married life originate and stem from. Imperfect people. One thing that I have learned in my life is that transitions, in general, are hard and uncomfortable, no matter how excited you are about where you are going. Even our body experiences and manifests this as we think back to those pubertal years of growing pains. The aches and pain that come from growth are difficult but powerful, amazing, and necessary. Something that I have found interesting, however, is that everyone experiences these pains at different times. It may be when you get engaged, your first year of marriage, maybe not until your first child, or perhaps during all of those times, but the pain and awkwardness of growth and transition do come even though it isn’t the same for everyone.

One thing that stuck out to me this week as I was learning about marital transitions were that many of the patterns that will be manifest throughout your marriage begin and are shown in the first year of marriage, or even before that in the courtship and engagement phase of your relationship. This is fascinating to me and makes me think about a funny thing that my mom always says that “the things that you love the most about your husband when you are dating often become the things that will drive you crazy at other points in your marriage”. While this doesn’t seem to make sense at first, I thought about this a lot while I was studying. One thing that we discussed a lot was how patterns are important and difficult to change. Right now, you may see how your significant other is a hard worker and that is what draws you to them, in 20 years you may never see your partner because they are working themselves to death. Right now, you may appreciate how dedicated and loyal your partner is to their family, in 15 years you might feel left out because they turn to their family with your problems instead of talking to you.

What is really interesting is that through all of these trials and difficulties, humans find a way to make things work because they often realize that they are better together and with their family than they ever could have been alone. As stated in the quote above “Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort”. It takes time and effort to learn to play an instrument and even more time and effort to learn to play harmoniously with someone different with their own style and level of knowledge. But as you work hard and endure through the tough parts, there is a beauty that can be made and found together.

I didn't take any pictures this week so here is a nice throwback from my time in Israel! This was taken at the end of April. The Dead Sea!